Terrible Things
by lovingthis
Summary: It started with a photo, lead to a bedtime story and concluded years later.


What seems to be my obsession with one day one shots? I think I got this out in under 24 hours- :D

This was something that was keeping me up at night and I hope it goes a little way into explaining Becker...

Enjoy!

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><p>Captain Ian Becker had just collected his young son from school when it happened. He'd left junior in the car for just a minute as he dropped a box at a friend's front door but by the time he was back the child had started to rummage through his belongings from work.<p>

In the boy's podgy fists was a photo.

"She's really pretty, Daddy."

"I know, Hillary." He seated himself next to his son in the back and wrapped an arm over the boy's shoulders, taking the picture and wiping off the sticky mud that now plastered it.

"Can she be my new Mummy?" His young and honest eyes turned to his fathers, seeking an answer to a question he didn't fully understand.

"No, son. She works with Daddy."

"Bu-"

"You only get one Mummy, Hillary."

"I didn't."

Ian sighed, looking down at the open face. He should have expected that the conversation would happen soon. Hillary had started school and it was understandable that watching all the other boys and girls get picked up by their mummies would raise some questions. Hillary knew his mother was gone, but he had never been told how or why. The point remained, he _did_ have a mother.

"Your Mummy was the most beautiful women who ever existed and don't you forget it, Hillary." He spoke straight to his son, looking him in the eyes and treating him, for the first time, like a man, not a child.

"More beautiful then her?" The child's innocence and single-minded determination made him smile for half a moment.

"More beautiful than her."

"What was she like, my Mummy?"

In response to the questioning, Ian unbuckled his son and pulled him onto his lap, holding him carefully. "She had your hair." He murmured thoughtfully brushing a hand through it.

Hillary pouted at the statement. Charlotte told him that he had a girls name and girls hair and was a girl. He told his Dad that.

"Charlotte is silly." Was the simple reply. "I wouldn't listen to her."

"She says she's going to marry Peter. Peter says he's going to marry her."

Ian smiled as he mentally calculated the number of 'marriages' young Charlotte would have before she reached her teens. "Oh really?"

"Uhuh. I'm going to be the vicar."

"When is this?"

"Tomorrow."

He shook his head indulgently at his son. "Tomorrow! How lovely."

Hillary nodded, then his young face twisted and his brows furrowed as he thought. Then they relaxed and the boy looked at his father. "Charlotte and Peter met last week." There was a pause. "When did you and Mummy meet?"

Ian closed his eyes, an ache in his heart. "Before I answer, what else do you want to know?"

"Why did Mummy go?" The child's lower lip started to wobble and natural instinct had the Captain pull him tight against his chest.

"Because she loved you."

"She loved me?"

"More than anything in the world."

The wobbled lip stopped, but now it was the father's turn to be close to tears. The small selfish thought in the back of his mind whispered, 'even more than she loved me.' He got closer at the sentence that would have broken his heart if it didn't already lie cold in a graveyard.

"I can't wait to fall in love."

-/-

Later that evening Hillary wanted the answers to his earlier questions. Ian had spent dinner time thinking while Hillary played with his potato smiles and he knew what he was going to say.

"I'm going to tell you a story about two people." He tucked the duvet over his boy's shoulder. "And the son they had together. Okay?"

The child nodded.

"Now, they worked together-"

"You said the girl in the picture couldn't be my mummy cause she worked with you." The tears were back and a tempter tantrum formed on the horizon. Ian quickly worked to cut it off.

"Hillary, this is a story." He ran a hand over his son's hair. "So, this women and this man worked together. And the women I work with can't be your Mummy. Let me explain."

"Bu-"

"Hillary!" The warning tone was in Ian's voice, a warning not worth ignoring. "This woman was the girl of his dreams, beautiful, intelligent and kind." The tone of the room changed, Hillary shifted closer to his Dad's side, listening to the story as the warm covers and reassuring voice started to lull him to sleep.

"He used to watch her, she was so beautiful, her dark brown hair caught in the sun."

"Like that picture in the playroom?"

Ian smiled, "Yes, like the picture."

"The light is really pretty."

"Yes, it is."

"Did she see him look at her?"

"Yes, son, she did. Do you know what she said?" Hillary shook his head. "She said, 'Boy can I tell you an interesting thing? I can't help notice you staring at me. I know I shouldn't say this, you're my boss- but it's true. I have to say- I think that I'm falling for you.'" He paused in the tale, thinking of how to word where he was going.  
>"Now son, I'm only telling you this because life can do terrible things."<p>

Hillary sleepily looked up from the raggedy bear he clasped in a hand, confused at the catch in his Dad's voice.

"Terrible things?"

"Don't interrupt, it's rude. Now, this man and this women spent all their time together. They were still young, but they promised forever."

"Why isn't she here now?" Hillary knew who the people were, he was young but not stupid.

"I said don't interrupt!" The child's breathing hitched at being told off. Ian pulled him closer to his side as a reassurance, feeling guilty for snapping. "You see… He said 'Girl can I tell you a wonderful thing? I went to the shops and I bought you a ring. I know this is rash and it may be to soon, but I love you, you see? Let's complete our lives together, will you please marry me?" Hillary's head shot up.  
>"Now son, I'm only telling you this because life can do terrible things." The boy's ever questioning mouth opened, but the words never formed. "I hope and I pray, everyday, that god shows you differently."<p>

"Because she went?"

Ian blinked at his son's perceptiveness. "Yes."

"What did she say?"

Becker looked down into his son's eyes and found himself unable to look away, reality fading into the background as he took in the eyes of his wife. "She said, 'Boy can I tell you a wonderful thing? It seems that I'm pregnant, but it's only been weeks. I don't want to alarm you, but I think you should know, we need a bigger house so our family can grow.'  
>"Now son, I'm only telling you this because life can do terrible things."<p>

"But our house is small."

"It is, isn't it."

"Did you live in a smaller house?"

"Hillary, they lived in a house like here."

"What happened?"

"He said, 'Girl can I tell you a worrying thing? It seems that you fainted and really are ill. I took you to the doctors, they've given you a room. I have to go to work but I'll be back soon.'  
>"Now son, I'm only telling you this because life can do terrible things."<p>

"She can't die!" The boy's wide eyes looked at his Dad, worried.

"What?"

"She can't die. She hasn't had her child."

"I know, Hillary." Ian gently pressed his cheek to the top of his son's head. "You see, then, at the end of the day, he went back to her. She said, 'Boy can I tell you a terrible thing? It seems that I'm ill, our child's not helping things. We have a choice to make; it's me or it's him. I love him so terribly, but our chances are slim.'  
>"Now son, I'm only telling you this because life can do terrible things. I hope and I pray, everyday, that god shows you differently."<p>

"She had to chose?"

"Her life or her child's life."

"What did they do?"

Ian sighed, unconsciously holding his child tighter. "She said, 'Boy, I've had the most wonderful life. I've loved you from the beginning and I'm glad I'm your wife. But we have a choice and I've made up my mind. Please don't you cry now, I honestly believe, you were the best thing that ever happened to me.'"

The words ended with a soft finality. Hillary looked up at his Dad, he was sleepy but there was a sad curiosity that couldn't be quenched by bedtime.

"It was my fault?"

Ian kissed his son's head, not hesitating in the reply. "No, son. She gave the world for you. I wouldn't give you up to get the world back."

"Okay, Daddy."

This was his moment. The Captain loved his son more than anything, but it hadn't always been that way. Once he had begged the love of his life to kill him before he killed her- He chose his wife over his child and it was something he would never forget. Her decision broke him in a way he hoped that Hillary, his sweet innocent Hillary, would never experience.

"Can you do something for me?"

"Anything, Daddy."

Ian took a breath and turned his head to look at his young boy in the eye, not bothering to hide the tears that streamed down his face or the catch in his voice. "Promise me this: Don't fall in love, there's just too much to lose. If you're given the choice then I beg you to choose to walk away, walk away. Don't let her get you. I can't bear to see the same thing happen to you."

He held Hillary's head in his hands.

"Now son, I'm only telling you this because life can do terrible things."

-/-

Hillary Becker left his friends and colleagues to walk to his Mother's grave and stand in silence next to his Father.

"You were right, Dad." He cradled a bawling infant in his arms.

"For a moment there, son, I thought you'd proven me wrong."

Jess wasn't alive long enough to see her child. Complications in the delivery were too great. The child lived and she died.


End file.
